Remember me?

Saturday, July 10, 2010
It was June, the 10th, 2004 when I wrote my first post.
I was mostly concerned about the bad situation in my school then. I didn't have nieces or nephews. I had an obsession about studying abroad and defended it in front of my parents as much as I could.

Today, I'm a graduate from the Communication Engineering college.. I have two nieces: Aya and Marwa (yes, surprise!) and two nephews: Ayman and Anas. I have acquired the highest marks in all my years in college and have graduated the top student on the three departments with an excellent average of marks. I'm getting married to the one thing I loved most about this college; then I'll be heading to Germany where he is studying for his master's degree, and where I will too, I hope.
I haven't gotten my visa yet but I hope I'll get it soon. Waiting is making me really depressed.

I'm not sure I will write again.. I'm not much into sharing any more. Or well, I'm more into sharing my whole life with one person :)

Fare well everybody.. and wish me luck.

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posted by Najma at 2:12 PM, | 22 comments

Counting

Tuesday, December 01, 2009
I know I haven't written in so long.. whatever I write, I have an inner feeling that I've written it before, and that I keep repeating myself, and this poses a problem for me and causes me to end the post before I even start.

I have a new habit of counting the moments, days and weeks since I've last seen my fiance.. I stopped counting for a while when he came on a visit after Ramadan and Eid Al-Fitr, only to start again a month later knowing I'll have to go on with counting for much longer this time. It's been 6 weeks since I last saw him and I miss my days with him every moment. I'm always thinking of him that whatever I try to write here ends up being about him!

I'm now a senior in college! It's my last year and guess what, I CAN'T WAIT TO GRADUATE! Two years ago I wouldn't believe that I'd feel this way but last year was such a mess that I lost most of my energy and enthusiasm, for good! I wish I can get back to the way I was before and sometimes I feel like I'm going back but my confidence was broken and it is very hard to go back.

The first week of my year as a senior my fiance was still in Mosul and he'd come to college and we'd spend the break times together.. These were special times. We'd also go and give some of the professors our "Shakar Aqed" which is a collection of sweets as an announcement of our legal bond! Ummm, there doesn't seem to be an easier way to explain this: We're legally married now but we're not really married until the marriage :)

On the tenth of October we had our nishan party.. If you've been reading my blog long enough you'd know I hate parties.. but it wasn't bad being the center of attention :D and I really enjoy the photos of that day.
Nishan (or mahr) by the way is an amount of gold agreed upon by the bride and groom families, and is given to the bride by the groom before or upon marriage, it's one of her rights in Islam. The nishan party is a party in which the groom gives the bride the nishan.


Now it's been about 8 weeks since I've started my year as a senior.. We're working on the graduation project and it's actually fun. I and my friend eat falafel sandwiches everyday, we're addicted now and sometimes it's the only thought that helps me get out of bed in the cold mornings.

It's winter now.. waking up in the cold is a very hard task especially when there's no electricity, which is almost always the case. Sometimes I wish I can learn to get dressed while still in bed and under the many covers..
We're obliged to wear a uniform now. It's a new rule that has caused the markets and the streets to turn black and white as colleges and schools are the only places people go to every day in the new Iraq. Also this is the second reason why I went addicted on Falafel (The other first reason being that I LOVE IT), as my two joys in college are getting dressed, and eating!
I feel shallow just by reading this.. but that's really it. Yes I do come to learn but it's been long since I considered this a joyful experience.
On a side note, so as not to scare a certain newcomer, if I was to choose my college again, I think I'd still choose this one, even more confidently that I did before! because in this college I met some of the best people I know, and the single most important person in my life! I have to start somewhere, and it's not a very bad place to start. And now I know I can continue elsewhere, on the greener side of the fence!

Now I'm going to publish before I change my mind..
 
posted by Najma at 5:11 PM, | 25 comments

Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Today is the 11th day of Ramadan.. It's always felt special in Ramadan. Having to fast from sunrise to sunset, reading Quran and praying Taraweeh.. A whole new system and a fixed program for every day. It's really a refreshment and a restart from the chaotic life.
Since the start of Ramadan, I have been learning to cook! I can't do anything without the help of the cook book, but I am doing good and that's what matters. I do get really depressed when things start to go wrong, but when it does go right, it's worth all the efforts.






The curfew hours in Mosul have changed to 1AM-3AM in Ramadan, and some of the streets are very active at night, which is a very good thing!
***

I've started reading a book called Al-Raheeq Al-Makhtoom, it's a book about the life of the prophet Mohammed (PBUH). It's very suitable for Ramadan and it's enjoyable to have all these random info we've learned at school read together and start to make much more sense. But it's a long book, and with all the struggle and hardship the Muslims and the prophet (PBUH) have gone through at the beginning, I'm starting to feel uneasy too!

***

In the past days between the last post and this, I had an ITP-TOEFL test in Erbil and scored very well. It was a unique experience.. Some of the examinees drove me crazy and it took us a long time just to start the test.. No wonder we only have PBT available, it will take a long time for people to get used to using the computer before we can use IBT or CBT.

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posted by Najma at 3:55 PM, | 31 comments

My Sister Wrote A Book..

Friday, July 31, 2009
.. and I've been very lazy to write about it. No wonder I'm not writing a book :D

IraqiGirl: Diary of a Teenage Girl in Iraq

"I forgot what peace looks like. What the street looks like. What the sky in the night look like. What my relatives look like. Sometimes I just think that if you could see what my eyes see, if you could hear what my ears hear, you would be able to understand what I mean."

These are the words of IraqiGirl, a teenage girl blogging from the city of Mosul, Iraq, as the chaos and violence of military occupation unfold in the aftermath of the American invasion. In a narrative charged with anger, IraqiGirl wants her readers to understand what life is really like under military occupation. “Let’s go back,” she writes, “to my un-normal life.” And here IraqiGirl allows us to discover a story the Western media rarely allow us a glimpse of: the story of how the Iraq War has shattered lives and broken hearts. But we also discover, in her personal reflections on family, friendship, and community, the resilience of one girl to not only survive, but to discover, amidst the devastation of war, a future worth living for.

As she writes: “For the sake of the smile that was given to no one but me, for the sake of my grandpa and for the sake of my country and for the sake of my religion and for the sake of my God . . . I want to know my destination.”

 
posted by Najma at 10:23 PM, | 14 comments

I just can't write! I have lost the ability to write anything -except messages and chats with my fiancé :D -
I feel quite like a stranger here.. There's a whole lot of things I haven't written about.. and things I'd pretty much like to ignore.

I went to Saudi Arabia as I mentioned.. I was depressed and couldn't stand being so far from my computer, my room, and most importantly the bathroom.. I ALWAYS miss these things. We were always busy, running to the mosque, running home, running to the restaurant.. We have 5 prayers a day and being on a holy place like Mecca or Medina we wanted to do them all in the mosque, and on time, so we were always running.. I was very tired and the ten days passed slowly.. and now that I'm home and have done what I went to do as well as I could manage, I just can't believe I was there.. I can't remember much even! It's very weird.
And once we were back, we had visitors. LOTS of visitors.. I see nightmares with lots of visitors in them now!
Then I went depressed.. and VERY tired.. and today is the first day I actually open this blogger page and write more than two words. Today I could finally open a book and decide to commit to it.
I'm quite lost and would really love to put things in order.. I wish I can fast-forward everything!

I got my marks before we went to KSA.. I still have the highest marks but the average is more than 9 marks less than last year's! I expected that but was still discouraged.

Now I'm going to end this post and write what I wanted to write but then felt like I should write something about myself first :)
Oh, and I should reply to the comments.. Soon inshallah.
 
posted by Najma at 9:58 PM, | 6 comments

What's happening?

Monday, June 22, 2009
I finished my finals last Thursday.. Finally finished the third year at college. I can confidently say that this has been a really bad year for me, only education-wise. I had my disagreements with my lecturers and had no confidence in most of what they say. There was a big gap between me and my books, and me and my lecturers.. and the more I tried to fill the gap between me and either, it would grow larger with the other.

It was a big challenge to deal with this whole thing and I still haven't really found a solution.
Now I'm just glad it's over.. and I don't even want to see the results of the struggle.

****

A project called Waedoun (translates to The Promising), the superior students care project, is being done in Iraq to care for the superior students in Iraqi universities.
A week ago I received my Waedoun ID and a credit card that I can use to draw my salary! I actually have a salary now :) and a CREDIT CARD.. IN IRAQ! The project has more things planned, but they're still at the beginning. It's a promising start.

****

In less that two weeks, we're going to go to Saudi Arabia! My parents, HNK and I are going to do Al-Umrah inshallah. This is going to be really exciting. This time I'm not going to ask you to pray for me, but rather it would be me praying for you! :D

I'll try to write again before I leave inshallah.
 
posted by Najma at 7:30 PM, | 31 comments

Day 35 and Counting

Thursday, May 07, 2009
It's been 34 days since the last time I've seen my fiancé, my older sister and the kids.. Bookish left to Germany to study for a Master degree, and my older sister left with her family to Baghdad where her husband will be studying and practicing for two years.

My sister hasn't been around much in the first place; she'd been living in the suburb for a while before they left to Baghdad. She's also still relatively close and will visit every month.
I have been occupied by missing Bookish so much that I don't have time to miss the kids!
For a while I was happy just to know that some people will be around tomorrow and won't leave.. Now I'm adjusting with the situation and finding all sorts of ways to stay in touch so as not to feel very lonely.

I had my second term exams in April.. My birthday was during the exams as usual. I've turned 21 already!

Looking back at this year's photos I feel like it's been forever since the beginning of my third year in college.. This year was hard especially because I could not adjust with my lecturers.. but now the final exams are approaching and soon enough I'll be busy preparing for these.

This year was full of changes but I'm happy with most of them, and more than happy with the most important change of all :)

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posted by Najma at 11:26 PM, | 17 comments

The beginning of the rest, and the best, of my life

Friday, April 03, 2009

The single most beautiful thing in life must be to love someone who loves you back.. It changes everything; the world is suddenly pink, you feel happier and safer than ever, and want to live every moment forever.

Tomorrow is the second week anniversary of my engagement to the most amazing man.. They were two weeks in heaven.
My fiance is actually a blogger (link) and I don't want to bother you with the details (not that they'd bother you, or bore you.. I'm just not planning to share ;) ) of how it all happened.. all you really need to know is that I've finally found the bright side of my life in Iraq, and that I've never felt luckier!

Everything feels different now.. I am different now.. this is the beginning of the rest, and the best, of my life.

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posted by Najma at 9:40 PM, | 55 comments

Update on The Book Project

Thursday, April 02, 2009
This is the first package of books we've bought with the donations money.. It's quite a good collection. It took a really long time to arrive but it finally arrived in perfect condition. I received the books about a month ago but was too busy to report that.

An Iraqi in Malaysia bought the books and donated some of his own. Books in Malaysia are very affordable as they have international copies.. the amount of money used to buy the books was approx. 300$.
I'm taking the donations button off the blog since I'm not sure how long it'll take me to spend the rest of the money, we have 621.40 USD left!

Thanks all for all the efforts!

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posted by Najma at 9:35 PM, | 8 comments

What's happening?

Saturday, February 28, 2009
I sat in mom's room in college on Thursday and wrote a long angry post regarding my exams.. then I thought maybe it isn't worth it.. Maybe I shouldn't keep fighting.

"Choose your battles wisely".. one of the best advise I've been given. I'm a fighter, and I tend to get involved without much consideration of how much it's worth to fight for what I'm fighting for.
I chose to fight this one silently. I deleted the angry part and was left with a tiny bit (that's completely irrelevant by the way) of a more pleasant subject:

My friend got engaged few weeks ago. She's the first in the group which makes this the most pleasant and exciting news as we're observing everything closely *evil smile*
I spend most of my time in college with her.. she's much taller than me and I can only imagine the remarks people say about us. With her fiancé's presence though, I don't think people will even notice me ;)

It's been raining in the last few days.. We went to Duhok yesterday but I couldn't take photos outside because of all the rain. I was dreaming of shooting photos of the sunset but there wasn't a sun to set in the first place.

Tomorrow starts the second term in college.. I'm feeling lost and odd.
Mom's been happy to have me around keeping her company for the last couple of days but now I'm going to get back to studying again. She's feeling very lonely and would be happy just to have me sit with her even if I don't talk.
I'm thinking of changing my priorities.. I'll try to finish studying earlier to get to spend more time doing other things.
 
posted by Najma at 7:28 PM, | 24 comments