A Star from Mosul

I was going to die from laughing yesterday, thank goodness I didn't.. What would mom think if I died laughing at desperate poets?

We had an Arabic lesson, the teacher is very serious and usually yells at the students but he acts very nicely with us because we're a good and calm group.. Yesterday, we had to study three poets who write what is called (Free poetry), in which the poet doesn't end all the verses with the same letter as the normal Arabic poems are.. We read a poem for each of those poets, all Iraqis.

The poems were really, really desperate, miserable, and SAD.. The first one was about how the poet misses Iraq, this one was Okay, if it lasted longer, we might have started crying, especially that the poet didn't stop wanting to come back to Iraq, and he came back directly to his grave..


The second poem was about dying... This one was the most miserable, I couldn't take it, I didn't cry, but I burst into laughing..

The teacher looked at me in astonishment, he asked what happened, I didn't know how to respond other than wondering why those poets hadn't hanged themselves. My friend who sat next to me has a problem with laughing, when she starts laughing, she doesn't stop.. She got infected from me and we both couldn't stop till we got a scary look from the teacher, both completely embarrassed, we stopped.

At the car, speaking about it to my friend's father, we started laughing again.. A poem that ends with "And the human dies" isn't supposed to make us laugh, but as ironic as the situation was, I think we had two choices, be crazy or cry.. I felt like dying in the car, I couldn't breathe as much as I was laughing. My friend added her reasons to laugh which included "You're always serious at class, I thought as you laughed, this must be serious!".. Well, her reasons didn't make me stop, she had good reasons to laugh..

I'm glad the teacher wasn't that angry at us, he kept repeating that those poets WERE really miserable, and put a smile on his face.. But I completed the lesson very seriously.

The Arabic teacher is very serious, but the Chemistry teacher can make a good stand-up comedian. He tells jokes all the time, girls start laughing a lot.. It becomes hard to follow the teacher.

Although I only take private lessons in Arabic, Chemistry and Physics, I have to attend a period of each Mathematics and English each week.. Dad and my friend's father take us to the teacher's house and take us back as time suits them.. Usually, dad is at the clinic and I come back with my friend and so I have to attend a lesson I do not take.. I sit on the couch (Those 2 lessons are at another friend's house) and read and do some homework. The Mathematics teacher even memorized my name.. I almost slept as he was explaining the lesson to the group yesterday, he is too quiet, but very lovely.

Here's a temporary schedule for my private lessons, copied from a letter I wrote to a friend.. I was out for 6 hours yesterday, but I am off today.

Saturday: 9 AM- 10:30 AM Chemistry
10:30 AM- 1 PM Mathematics, which I don't take but have to attend because dad can't pick me up.. I sit on the couch doing other homework..
4 PM- 6 PM Arabic

Monday: 3:30 PM- 5 PM English, which I don't take but have to attend..
5:30 PM- 7 PM Chemistry

Tuesday: 10 AM- 12 PM Arabic
3 PM- 5 PM Physics

Wednesday: 3:30 PM- 5:5 PM Chemistry
5 PM- 7 PM Mathematics, which I don't take but have to attend since dad can't pick me up.. I go home at 8 on Wednesdays..

Thursday: 9 AM- 11AM Physics

A chemistry lesson will be removed, he wants to take us twice a week only.

I've given you an idea about private lessons before:

I'll start studying for the exams (that will happen weeks from this date next year) from tomorrow! And I'll be studying for those exams for all the year, at school, at home, at the private lessons, all to get a good average of marks that can easily be gotten by studying normally during school! But, no, it's become modish to have private lessons now while they were for the stupid only 10s of years ago.. The main reason is that Saddam started giving additional grades for the Baathist and such that made the average needed to get to the medical school above 100 at some years!! That was impossible for those who don't have additional grades!

You know what's ironic, I don't need a fancy average to get to the college I want, I can get to whatever college with the grades that I'm getting right now, even if I had an average that is 10 grades less than what I'm getting now, I'll make it to the computers engineering college (My goal) because mom is a teacher at the college and I have a privilege to get transferred to any specialty I want as long as I get an average high enough to get me in the engineering college!

To get you more into it, as school started this year, students started calling private teachers, and making groups (About 5-8 students in each).. I was first with the students who wanted to skip the year but then found myself another group with good girls (Except for a really annoying one).. I have made friends with girls I never thought I'd like after taking lessons together.

Private teachers are usually men, as women prefer to teach at school only.. They are regular teachers who teach at school and became private teachers just because they were competent. They get a good amount of money out of this, and some of them really deserve it.. They make the subject easy, and do their best to get the information to you in every means possible..

In private lessons, we really get to know other students in the group well.. Students usually show their worst in those lessons as they actually struggle for their future. If you understand what this teacher teaches you, you're supposed to have no trouble at all at school. We'll supposedly finish the private lessons before school starts..

A troubling thing is, students of the 6th grade of last year gave me an advice, they said that no matter how well I know the subject, I should make mistakes at the school exams. Why?
The Answer was that at the 6th grade's final exams, you usually get an UNexpected grade.. People expecting 100 get 65!! And this really does happen.. If you get good grades at school, you'll draw the attention at you, and as you give your paper away at the final exams, it will be switched with another student's who usually is stupid.. Sons and daughters of highly rated Baathist, or of a high placed official at the government will get the good grades you were supposed to have.. This hasn't stopped after the war.

People were hoping that after the war, the final exams wouldn't be a matter LUCK.. But, it showed them wrong.

I have a Chemistry exam tomorrow, I don't know if I'll start reading for it from today, I have time to study for it tomorrow.. I'm planning on Installing Linux on my laptop today, for practice, if this happened, I will probably study very little of Chemistry..

I have been busy with the private lessons.. I have Sunday and Friday free of lessons though.. Today, we're going to visit a relative who recently was discovered to have cancer, having lost an aunt like this, I do not really enjoy such visits.

Raghda wanted me to tell you that she will not write this month.. If things went as planned, she will be out of Iraq this month.

I took a look at Nabil's blog to see when he finished his private lessons, he finished on the 7th of December.. I might finish before him since I started before he did, and am having less subjects, but, to look at it right, I am studying for the exams I will be taking few weeks from now NEXT YEAR..
The best descripton to this year was "A never-ending year"..

Anyway, I just wanted to write and tell you I'm fine, extremely bored too..

Here is the latest posts of my relatives this week:

Dad posted a small post about AL-Qaim, which as most of the latest post are now, is getting lots of comments and discussions.. A Micro Version of Falluja.

I posted about a day we (I, HNK and Aya) spent alone, at our house, in the middle of the war.. A Day from Hell.

HNK changed her e-mail, and posted about the same day I talked about.. The Nightmare.

Raghda posted photos of her cat (Bushbush)'s new kittens.. And another post of some proverbs she liked.

Sunshine posted about one more adventure, and a new way to spend the Eid.. Leaving The House.
She, however had to stop posting for a while since her exams started.. But she reminds us "The sun will shine again".

I wrote this post yesterday, I'm posting it today with the latest news.

It's nice to feel like you've accomplished something at the end of the day.. Very nice! Although, it doesn't feel nice to do the job until it's done.

I had mopped the floor of my room, HNK's and the staircase yesterday. But, I first cleaned the balcony as I'm planning on putting some plants there..

We took out the rugs this week, it's getting too hot but we aren't using the air-coolers yet.. I always wake up sweating as the electricity turns off. Turning on the air-cooler won't solve THIS problem! The generators doesn't turn on till noon usually, and turns off close to mid-night; so, they're not much of a help at night.. Above all this, I slept till 11:45 yesterday. I felt too lazy, too wet, and too tired.

I feel a sudden urge to change.. Yes, change the world.. Change Iraq.. Change Mosul.. Change my room! Anything.. I want this LONG year to end, I want university days to come. I want to take a piece of paper and draw a map or a plan for the world, I want to be the change I want to see in the world. Even writing here is not giving me the satisfaction I used to have before, I used to write a long post in few minutes.. Now, it takes me days just to start one; hours to write it; minutes to compile it..

I called my friend on the mobile yesterday, she said she had 90 questions to solve and so we spent 1 minute talking ONLY. She's going to skip the year, she's exhausted of studying, having fights with the other girls wanting to skip the year and fighting against sadness over the situation.. She's (God willing) going to the Medical college if she made it and skipped the year as I'm praying for her. I envy her sometimes.. But, I thank God at other times as I think I wouldn't have been able to take all the studying under pressure. My having the plans I have, and her having the plans she has; I'm still going to graduate before her. But, I still envy her, and miss her :(

I want to escape, escape the reality, the world I'm living in, the country and all its disasters, the life and all its tests.. I want to escape the past, the present, and if not different, the future. I don't want words of encouragement, I want the plan for change, a plan I CAN understand and follow. 1-2-3- And I've made my future and Aya's.. 1-2-3- And I've saved the world from hunger, from death, from occupation and from the world itself.
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At 9:30 today, I wad awakened by a mobile call from my cousin.. He asked me if anyone was home with me but I couldn't tell since I was too sleepy and didn't know if mom had to go to the college.. He told me to wake HNK up and go downstairs to somewhere safe since a bomb was placed somewhere in front of the house.. That was not weird for me though, few days ago, I was awakened by mom for s similar reason.

I knew what to do this time, I went to wake HNK but she wasn't at her room, I came downstairs and she was with Aya sleeping in mom's room which was safe enough, but she was soon awakened by another call from dad telling me the same as my cousin said.

I rushed to open the windows, thinking that it might be a false alarm like the other day.. But, at that day, we had national guards searching our house and I actually argued with one.

I then went back to the room, and tried to make Aya sleep and get to continue my sleeping. But, the soldiers were trying to blow up the bomb and it wasn't blowing up.. Fearing that they might come in and search, I and HNK decided to change our clothes and move to another room which was also safe, and had a computer..

There was no electricity, but my laptop was fully charged. I found Raghda online and had a small chat until we heard LOUD shooting and bombing. Since that time, the mobile never stopped to ring.. My sister called from the Emergency room where she's working, my dad from the hospital, mom from the college, my cousin from the company, my aunts, my uncles, the neighbor's, other cousins.. Not just one call, tens of calls (People were worried just by hearing the noises in the mobile), and tens of messages, and Raghda worried on the messenger. We got to a state in which I closed the lid of the laptop, I and HNK just hugged Aya and sat listening to the war noises..

After a while, the kitchen's window and the living room's got broken.. But, it calmed down. The neighbor against our house was very determined to make us jump to her house, but I talked her against it. Dad decided to come to their house and jump to us from there, which was a good idea.
My cousin moved to our garage, and didn't stop calling and receiving calls.. Then, the neighbors came and talked with him a little.. Everyone had windows broken, and the street looked like a mess.

Few minutes later, the street was opened and mom and dad came.. We started calling and assuring everyone that we're alright..

Obviously, the bomb was blown up in the middle of the war, we didn't notice :) And the planes were throwing rockets from above.. All the neighbors agreed, never in the war have we been in such a horrible day!

This is going to be a quick carnival.. I have an exam tomorrow (The Arabic teacher LOVES exams).

It's when someone feels like he has lots of stuff to do, but he doesn't want to do them.. It's when you feel like you just want to write, but you don't know what to write.

Many times, I write a post, re-read it, find it very stupid and end up discarding it.. This one is probably the same.

My laptop got really messed up after updating to Service Pack 2 of Windows XP.. I had to install another windows till I get the chance to see my cousin who'll give me a complete version of windows XP.
Windows, Office, Norton AntiVirus and all of the other famous software that are expensive for normal people to buy are bought with what equals one dollar here.. No one buys an original copy, it's only for the shop from which we buy the copies. I have nothing original at home among 100s of CDs, except for some drivers installations which are usually provided with the driver.

I haven't bought a CD for quite a long time, probably even before I got the Internet connection.. It's because we're not going out much..
CDs are usually bought from a CDs shop, CDs shops are in an area in Mosul called Al-Majmoo3a; the same area in which most of Mosul universities are in except for medicine and agriculture. This area is the most active area in Mosul, I think. It has many restaurants and fastfood shops, it's the place from where mom buys me my favourite meal, Falafel.

Recently, Al-Majmo3a along with every shopping area in Mosul, got filled with commercial ads, it makes it coloured, but it makes me feel like a consumer only. We buy what others make, and consider the Iraqi production the worse..

Ads, ads, ads... Ads everywhere. Foreign productions everywhere, and the Iraqi is lost in the middle, trying to buy the best, which is NOT the Iraqi production for sure..

When my friends tell me that they have hope that Iraq will stand on its feet again as it is dependant on itself, I fell sorrow as I think Iraq is at the most dependant status now..

Okay, I'll just push that publish button.. What's the worse that can happen? A silly post? No problem!

I know, last week I missed it.. I was too busy in Baghdad to write it, I wouldn't have posted any way if I had time cuz they don't have Internet at grandma's.. Anyway, you won't miss anything, it's all here, carnival of the relatives for 2 weeks:

Dad posted: "Letting in the draft", in which he put an article he wanted his readers to read.
He also posted two posts in the family blog: One is a definition of the Quran, while the other is just links he found interesting..

Uncle Ahmed very quickly updating, sent us about 10 lines..

Hassan posted once in those two weeks: Fire arms in Iraq.

HNK posted: "I will not wait anymore", and another post summarizing what she's been doing these days.

Dalia posted a video of a kitten she's found once.

AND, I have a new relative ONLINE.. Let's meet, sunshine in days of my life. She's got pretty good adventures.. She's the niece of aunt Rose.

I posted a "No more Mr.Nice guy" post on my birthday, another one planning the journey to Baghdad, then what I did in Baghdad in "Talking to myself"..
AND also posted a link to the news about the trial of the Abu Ghraib woman, with my personal view of the judgment.. Which reminds me of this: Marine cleared over Falluja death

Video of the killing last November, which was taken by a US cameraman, was flashed around the world. It came during a bloody operation to recapture the rebel-held city. In sworn statements, the unnamed marine corporal said he had shot three insurgents in self-defense in the mosque on 13 November, believing they posed a threat to him and his fellow marines.

Which brings up an important issue, a reader of my blog mentioned it accidentally in an e-mail.. If an Iraqi soldier(or let's say a mujahid), shot an American soldier (Or a citizen) who he thought was holding a gun although he was lying helplessly on the ground of a MOSQUE (Or a church, or a temple).. Would any of you be satisfied if the soldier was not even judged? Even if you said yes, I wouldn't believe you, talking is much easier than doing.

Tell me now, a soldier, holding a gun, pointing at you, you can't see what's in his mind, what he's been through, or what he has come here for.. What you know is that he's a foreigner, holding a gun in YOUR country, and might kill you at anytime since you're always a threat to him.. Is it wrong to kill that man? Is it wrong to defend yourself? Self defense?

I'm playing on both sides now, convicting the American soldier in the news and defending the mojahid, yes, the one who fights for HIS COUNTRY and not for money.. Both for self defense. What's the difference?
A uniform (The soldier wears), an order (The soldier has with nothing to worry about if the order was cruel since the judgments are almost nothing), a country (The mojahid defends).. They both have families, the soldier's and the Mojahid's both will worry about them..

Anti coalition as a whole, pro some individuals, remember? This soldier, this soldier, this soldier, and much more, are not included in the individuals...

Note: I AM defending someone here, the mujahid (Read this link if you can't remember), the person who rarely exists now..

I'm back to Mosul, the journey was easy this time, too short for me as I spent most of the time sleeping :) I was awake till after 2AM last night just TALKING TO MYSELF.. I was supposed to sleep, I was too tired of playing badminton as we've been training in Baghdad for the last 3 days, and I really needed to sleep, but I just couldn't.

I noticed, (not just recently, maybe months after starting this blog) that whenever I have time to think, I start thinking, IN ENGLISH, speaking to myself, in my mind, blaming myself, explaining stuff, planning what to write here, singing... Then, I try to switch to Arabic at least, but I get back to English, and start complaining to myself about it..

Yesterday at night, I suddenly started thinking of what to tell Aya about her grandfather. I mean, I've always felt sorry for mom for not seeing her grandfather, we knew how he died (Car accident, pretty weird at that time since no much cars were in Iraq), but, if little Aya asked about her grandpa, which will definitely happen one day, what will we tell her? The truth for sure! But, how will a small girl accept the fact that her grandpa was killed, killed by the Americans, the very same people who claimed to be liberating us! It took a long time of thinking with a dead end..

I've been feeling rather sleepy in Baghdad, all the time I wanted to sleep. Then, the day before yesterday, it occurred to me.. Dad had been telling me not to take the pills of the allergy in the morning because they make me sleepy, but I have completely forgotten about that in Baghdad which made me a lazy, lazy person :(

We played cards in Baghdad, I beat my cousin (Hassan's brother, who's sleeping at grandma's house temporarily) in a game that I learnt only last night from him.. He was too angry when that happened :) I was exactly the opposite!
I, HNK, and Raghda practiced badminton to pass the time as we all haven't played it before.. That made mom and her sisters get some memories back and play as well, and made the three of us (I, HNK and Raghda) tired with pain in all the parts of the body in my case!

As we came to Mosul, I called my friend to see what happened in the lesson they took on Friday without me (Private lessons everyone takes, each group choose the teachers and the subjects they want.. This is all as a preparation for the 6th and last grade of secondary school), that was supposed to be the first and only lesson they take without me, but as I got back, I found out that they had two lessons instead of one, and that we're starting the rest of the subjects (I wanted to have lessons in Arabic, Physics and Chemistry as they're the ones that I think I would need help in) tomorrow.. I'll start studying for the exams (that will happen weeks from this date next year) from tomorrow! And I'll be studying for those exams for all the year, at school, at home, at the private lessons, all to get a good average of marks that can easily be gotten by studying normally during school! But, no, it's become modish to have private lessons now while they were for the stupid only 10s of years ago.. The main reason is that Saddam started giving additional grades for the Baathist and such that made the average needed to get to the medical school above 100 at some years!! That was impossible for those who don't have additional grades!

You know what's ironic, I don't need a fancy average to get to the college I want, I can get to whatever college with the grades that I'm getting right now, even if I had an average that is 10 grades less than what I'm getting now, I'll make it to the computers engineering college (My goal) because mom is a teacher at the college and I have a privilege to get transferred to any specialty I want as long as I get an average high enough to get me in the engineering college!

BBC NEWS | Americas | Abu Ghraib woman to face judges: "But last week, four top army officers were cleared of any wrongdoing at Abu Ghraib."

Little American Saddams convicted with 10+ years! If this happened in America itself, it would've been way different.. BUT, why bother, those are Iraqis, their lives are CHEAP! For God's sake, do something..

You know what? Most of those terrorists fighting in Iraq ARE fighting under orders.. Kill or we'll kill you.
"Damned if you do it, damned if you don't"..
What's the difference? HUH

Note: I'm not defending anyone here..