A Star from Mosul

Aargh.. I'm going crazy. I miss college so very much.

Three break days followed Eid because our Eid and the Shia Eid were 2 days apart (a result of the so-called Iraqi freedom), and Christmas was right after the latter.
On Wednesday we went to college, I met two of my professors on the way to my classroom in the second floor, I greeted them and wished them Eid Mubarak and was accompanied by one of them to the second floor, then I met two of my classmates again greeting and etc. and up I went to the third floor.. I was faced by many boxes and a closed door. I was shocked and seriously thought I was dreaming (Where the hell is my classroom? :(( ).. then I realized I have mistakenly gone up an extra floor leading to the roof. As I went down I found my friends laughing out loud at me.. I was thrilled to go back to reality. Few minutes later, A, my classmate was seen making the same mistake..
The classmates I met at the junction between the stairs later told me that both they and the professor who I left at the second floor shouted that I was going the wrong way but I didn't hear them! In short, I was the joke of the day!

The students decided to skip the last two lectures and go to the students' center. They actually told me to do whatever I want this time and I was determined to attend the lecture alone until I accidentally met a relative professor who just happened to be at our college seeing his colleagues and wishing them belated Eid Mubarak, and he advised me not to attend the lecture alone and so I didn't! Then the students seeing that our class and the first graders were the only ones who came to college decided to skip college on Thursday..
and that's how I turned to a careless crazy student.

I've been reading and reading in those break days and I really need to discharge.. I'm not sure if it's all the energy or the freezing cold weather that's causing me to shiver right now but it's probably the weather..

It's really cold these days. Aya, Ayman and my two sister are all sneezing and coughing all the time and I'm only waiting for my turn.

I made a long list of subjects I need to review and read further and it's sloooowly shrinking. My friends are all really depressed and carrying the world's burdens on their shoulders and of course I can't but get infected. Few minutes with my best friend however gets me back on track, thank God.

Okay, this post was just to tell you that I'm alive, well, crazy, a bit depressed and slowly freezing and I think it has served its purpose, so good bye! This is probably the last post I'm going to write in 2007 :)

Today is the second day of Eid. So Eid Mubarak to all the Muslims in the world.

Days are passing by so quickly I can't believe how often I've been wishing Happy Eids and praying the next we'd be safe and free.. and still nothing's happening!

The last few days at college have been chaotic. I always hate the days before Eid because all the students suddenly decide that they desperately need to catch up with their studying, clean the house and help their mothers make klecha; so they decide to ditch college for few days before Eid and stay home.
"If you don't want to come, don't come.. But I am NOT ready to sit home and relax knowing that I've just disobeyed my prof, and probably accumulated some unexplained lectures which I know I shall regret for the rest of the year.. "
Sooo yes, maybe I did turn to a drama queen and started crying at home making it a BIG deal but I couldn't stand not having a say in this. The moment I start objecting, I get a bunch of students shutting me up and shouting how unfair I am and how I am going to destroy their plans and how and how and oh my God I just want to burst into tears or shout at the top of my lungs that I am FREE TO CHOOSE AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT AT ALL TO PREVENT ME FROM COMING.

The next day I came like a calm lamb and when asked, I told them that I'll do what they want me to do :(

Now I consider myself a coward.. but I've just saved myself from lots of cursing and one of the most organized assassination attempts in college! (kidding, but everyone seems to be kidding me like this these days!).

Other than those fights I think I have gotten rid of that feeling of depression and am much more motivated to concentrate and study.

I've been enjoying Eid so far.. We only went out of the house once but it's much better than the last Eid. I met my uncles on the first day of Eid, we all gathered at my aunt's house, each family brought a meal as usual. I have also managed to get myself relaxed and I'm trying not to worry about studying and what we missed at least till the Eid ends.

I can't remember anything more to say so I'll just hit Publish and go find something to eat!

I'm baaaaaack.. the old me's back.. the one who loves college, remember? Oh God how I wished to experience that feeling again, the love to everything about that building, the walls, the desks, those books, the professors, the students and the walking gossip-machines.. okay that's enough, I hate the latter!

On Sunday the first graders started coming to college, including my dear dear friend H. who had failed and has to go through the first grade again. This girl is full of optimism, she's good in heart and I discovered that I draw my strength and optimism from her. Those few weeks I spent in college surrounded by students crying that "the second year is difficult" all the time were probably the worst I've spent in college. I eventually became sensitive to how other people talk and gossip about me (College is full of students who can make excellent writers for any gossip magazine or Insider program) and oh can they invent stories!! One look, one word, even the most unintentional would be a seed to a myth that grows by time to be assumed a truth.. and that had destroyed my spirit completely.

On Sunday I met the new students, still innocent and high-spirited.. I made friends with many of them and I like them a lot. On Sunday a part of me returned.. and today, at last, mom could see the difference in me. I stormed into the house full of stories of the day's adventures and occurrences, and then after doing some work I opened the new Mathematics book I borrowed and flipped through it, remembering again how much I love it!

Thank you my friend... You're changing me in ways you can not imagine.

***

Away from that, I successfully made a fool of myself yesterday.. a long description of the event follows, just to clear my tortured conscience.

We study Electromagnetic Engineering this year, and like every other subject, I found the book the professor recommended and downloaded it.. I accidentally found the solutions manual too and decided it would be really useful because there were many questions and not even a clue to what the solution might look like.. so I downloaded the latter as well. I then found that many students needed the book and couldn't find it, and so I copied the book along with the solutions manual on one of the college's computers and the students simply copied them to their personal computers.
Later the professor gave us a sheet of exercises to practice on and told us that he'd examine us with one of the questions the next week. My friend discovered that all the questions were actually from the book and so we all had the solutions on our computers. I however sat for hours working on those questions and correcting myself from the solutions manual.. I was honest with myself and I actually turned the paper knowing that I have solved few questions wrong because they didn't match with the standard solution which I wasn't convinced of.

The prof. told us that he'll postpone the exam and gave us the papers back after the students complained about their not understanding the material, giving us a second chance and emphasizing the fact that he's going to examine us this time. My friends asked me if they can make a copy of my solutions hoping it would be easy to comprehend and I, because of the exam, couldn't but accept. We had an exam with these questions, they had to understand these questions, and they didn't understand the solutions in the solution manual. This postponement was also useful for me because I was able to further understand the material and correct some of the mistakes I've made.

Yesterday, a day after turning our papers to the prof. (and again not having the exam BTW, I hate postponing exams, especially when I'm so ready), the professor's assistant (also my cousin's friend) surprised me by asking why I let my friend copy my answers. I was shocked actually, and I think I might have denied it at first having forgotten the occurrences of the week before.. He said he didn't really care but still it was wrong.
I was bothered, a lot.. It was never my policy to let any of my friends copy my homework, especially when the prof. was going to evaluate us in a way or another upon these homeworks. But this time was special I thought, and it didn't seem wrong at all, but he didn't see it.

I spent the whole day yesterday complaining to my friends who wouldn't dare ask me to let them copy ever again.. none of the other students had copied them fortunately since they knew I wouldn't allow it. This bothers me a whole lot and if I can do anything to repair this I would.
I tried to minimize the damages and told him about the solutions manual getting him even more disappointed and making a bigger fool of myself.

Failure is unimportant.. Making a fool of one's self takes courage.

But I believe everything happens for a reason.. My life for the last 6 months was full of weird accidents that I feel like I'm living in a movie.
In movies, when the camera focuses on something, it will most probably be of some importance in the rest of the movie, if you focus hard enough that is. And every single thing that's happening to me is changing things, and when it doesn't I just keep thinking about it that it changes me or the way I'll respond to a related thing in the future, like never letting my friends convince me to let them copy the homework ever ever again :((

Now you know a whole lot about something that really doesn't interest you.. sorry!

***

Back to a subject I started the other day: what I want to become after graduation. It's still early so I can not really decide whether I really hate teaching (which seems true so far) or not.
Teaching in the university for sure seems like the perfect job for a female in Mosul, and my good relations with my professors and some of the other professors I know makes me ever more sure that I belong to this community. The students often imagine me as a severe, short-tempered professor however! It's early to decide but I think of it every now and then.

Talking of my relation with professors, I met last year's Physics prof. on the stairs the other day, I was eating and so I couldn't greet him formally so I just gave him a gesture and tried to move on when he said: "Every time I see you, you're eating!" and walked away smiling.. I still couldn't make a reply (I really should take smaller bites next time) and only smiled back. Today I and my friend greeted him and my friend couldn't stop herself and said: "See? She's not eating now". He replied smiling: "I was just going to say that.. You know Najma, every time I see a student eating I remember you! I was watching the biggest loser the other day and remembered you"..!! Me? The biggest loser! Then there was a big crowd of my classmates trying to hear what we're talking and so we changed the subject :)

I do eat in college, I don't have time for breakfast (A very heavy sleeper who only wakes up half an hour before the driver comes) and need energy to help me go up and down the stairs all the time. I've made friends with both the shop keeper and the falafel man (Can I call him that?) by the way. My friends are always amazed by the number of people I know in college!
And still when I get home I'm so hungry I can eat a village.. and after the nap I'm even more hungry. Mom and grandma are quite satisfied with the improvements but there is no evident of any kind on my gaining any weight!

***

I spent a long time today programming in Visual Basic. The only compliment our lecturer gives is "yes"... I have to ask him if it's right to get the better compliment "Right" :) But last time I did the optional homework he was impressed and if I wasn't day-dreaming, I think he said "Good".. I live on compliments! So today I spent a lot of time programming a clock as he requested "if I could manage it". It's not as easy as it seems and now that it's working I feel like kissing the computer!!
The best moments of my life are those when I see the results of hard work.. and I thank God for giving me something to rejoice over every now and then.

PS: This post has been written in the course of three days so yesterday, today, tomorrow are not what they seem!